Saturday, October 27, 2007

Baboon Butt

We interrupt this nostalgia series to bring you this important announcement: Sherrie Holmes has baboon butt. Sherrie Holmes is not a happy camper. Sherrie Holmes is in PAIN!

Yes, I have a flaming red backside and backs of my thighs, thanks to 6.5 hours scooting around on the wet roof on my butt. I was scraping off moss with a screwdriver and broom, then wetting down the roof with the garden hose and broadcasting Tide laundry detergent over the entire surface. (Tide is an excellent moss control for roofs)

Unfortunately, I discovered that scooting around on a wet composition roof (think sandpaper) makes your jeans very wet. And scooting around on a wet roof in wet jeans while grinding laundry detergent into the tender nether regions gives you a painful (very painful!) detergent burn on baby-tender skin.

I am typing this standing up. I cannot sit down. The skin is raw and weeping in places. I tried putting soothing Lubriderm Advanced Therapy hand lotion on the inflamed skin, and all it did was make me do the Mexican Hat Dance. Talk about sting! I looked at the ingredients on the lotion bottle. First ingredient - water. Second ingredient - ALCOHOL!

So now I'm walking spraddle-legged in my undies because I can't bear anything to touch my skin. And I have a flaming red baboon butt and flaming red thighs, plus a flaming red calf on one leg for good measure. I'm too old for this. I'm going to bed, since I can't sit.

Have you ever done anything stupid like this? I would dearly love to know I'm not the only one who does stuff like this.


NinaP said...

Good Grief, Girl! You've got to be more careful. A writers butt is as important as her fingers. :-)

I can't lay claim to anything as funny (or painful) as your story, but I do have a few on my dh. Here’s one.

One night while he and I were busy, he reached around to the night table drawer and slipped over the edge of the bed. Definitely broke the mood and nearly a few other things.

Feel better, Girl. (Did you try soaking in plain water to rid the skin of any detergent residue? Or just standing under the shower? How about diaper rash cream?)

Lesley said...

You should definitely take a picture and post it on your blog.

Jacquie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jacquie said...

You need Keely. She not only has Faery Dust, but the healing power of the Waters of Life. hehehe.

Sans faery power, bed does sound like the best remedy. Uh, what are you going to do when all that scabs over??? :wince:

Seriously, I should consult my daughter, who has several herbal remedies for skin (since hers is so sensitive) on your behalf. Or hindhalf.


News From the Holmestead said...

OMG, Nina! The visual! How funny! I'm sure it didn't do much for your husband's dignity. Hope he landed on his back! *g*

Lesley, I am shocked SHOCKED that you think I should post a picture of my baboon butt! Tell you what--I'll post a picture of mine if you post a picture of yours. Deal?

Jacquie, please send Keely over right away with some faery dust and healing Waters of Life. It's got to be better than the olive oil my friend recommended. I have only one thing to say: olive oil and toilet seats don't go together. There's nothing like sliding off the seat when you least expect it! *g*

Anonymous said...

The lotion or cream used on a baby's tender bottom will work. Or you can slather on the aloe.