On Things That Go "Plop" in the Night

For those of you as old as I am, do you remember the "You Bet Your Life" game show where Groucho Marx would waggle his cigar and eyebrows, saying, "Say the secret word and win $100"? Then a stuffed bird would drop down from the ceiling holding a sign with the secret word written on it.

Well, last night as I was going to bed I had something drop down from the ceiling directly in front of me, and it wasn't a bird with a sign. It was a honking big spider, and it was descending rapidly, coming to a stop inches from my face. I nearly walked into it. I let out a huge scream, which made the spider jump and begin climbing hastily back up its rope. I dispatched him between the covers of two DVD movies, which was the closest thing at hand. No way was I going to let a monster that size hang around in my bedroom and crawl on me as I slept.

I know people who go out of their way to gently escort spiders back outside, and I say good for them. Really. I mean it. As much as I loathe spiders, I leave them alone when outside--where they belong. In my house, it's a different matter.

Now with colder weather here, and fall just around the corner, I'm suffering through the annual spider migration into the house. I hate it. The most alarming are the huge hairy black ones in the bathroom. They pop out of bathtub drains or hang out on the ceiling, scaring the daylights out of me. My scream reflex gets a workout when they startle me. And I hate, hate, hate going down the hall or through a doorway into another room, and walking into a spider web, usually right across the face.

I wish I knew how they got into the house. Anybody know? And how, for heaven's sake, can they get into the plumbing from outside???